what is meant to be will always find a way

heartbreak is a funny thing. even though it always makes you stronger, it always hurts for an amount of time that you cant even predict. then right when you think you are starting to get over it something happens and you end up right back at square one. you then start to have different mood swings every single day. i know with me one day ill be in my "fuck you i dont need you" stage and then that night when i realize you arent next to me to rub my back until i fall asleep, or you arent texting me until my eyes close and the phone is still in my hand, that is when im back to my "i miss you and i dont want anyone else" stage.
i have yet to find the happy medium when it comes to being heartbroken. there has to be a stage in between the "i dont need you" and the "i dont want anyone else". there needs to be a way to figure out how to live in the "i dont need you right now but i will want you forever later" state of mind.
in trying to experience the emotions of this stage i keep telling myself what is meant to be will always find a way and then i follow it up with i just wish it would find its way a little bit faster! but really what is the rush? why do i need you right now? in reality i dont. you just happen to be the only thing thats missing. my heart cant be broken because it was never full to begin with. that empty spot in my heart has a reserved sign on it for when im ready for that point in my life.
ive still got a lot of growing up to do but you better believe i have loved every heartbreak, every boy that has fucked me over, every mile that i havent traveled yet to see you, every mistake, every tear that has fallen from my eyes on the nights i have cried myself to sleep, and every single smile that always ends up back on my face.

Straight Up!

i do not understand why guys cant be straight up with you. like seriously dont be nice to me just because you dont want to hurt my feelings. 1) im a big girl i can take it and 2) it makes you even more of an asshole. how hard is it for you to say "hey so i cant handle a long distance thing" or "i think we should just be friends" or even "your are the perfect girl for me but im tryin to get some ass and unfortunately you are to far away for me to get it from you" i can handle all those just fine because than youre not wasting my time but when you just cut yourself out of my life for reasons i dont even know thats when i get pissed.
dont sit there and tell me you love me and all this other bullshit if you plan on ignoring me. you are just saying things you think i want to hear. grow a pair! because you better believe i will be the person to tell you exactly what is on my mind. i am not going to be the girl to sit here and text you and try and get in touch with you everyday if you are going to give me one word answers or not even respond. any kind of relationship is a 2 way street and im not going to waste my time if you obviously arent in it. but fucking tell me your not in it! man the fuck up!
and dont get mad when you start ignoring me and i move on. dont think you can come back to me when it is convenient for you and im going to be sitting there waiting. life is way too short.

"to be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved"

Ok so I used to think the idea of "talking" to someone worked out really well. It was one of those things where you didn't talk to anyone other than them and neither did they. So you were basically dating but without the title so you didn't have all the pressure on you of "breaking up" and dealing with peoples opinions about the relationship and everything. As i got older, the idea of "talking" changed a little bit. Same rules but now all of a sudden if you decided to "talk" to someone else and the person you're "talking" to doesn't find out its totally fine. Again, good thing there is no pressure about being in a relationship because than that would be called cheating! So i decided to sort things out. Technically, you are not dating. So if the other person decides to go and "talk" to someone else, you cant get mad. genius plan... unless you actually really like the person you're "talking" to. I have decided I am no longer doing this whole "talking" thing. As my future husband John Mayer puts it, "friends lovers or nothing there can only be one. friends lovers or nothing therell never be an in between so give it up."
I am over the high school crap! If you want to be with me than be with me! Stop playing games!

Now the new thing is...
A guy likes me. Tells me he misses me and he loves me and all he does is think about me blah blah blah. Ok, I tell you the same thing and I tell you I want a relationship. Now all of a sudden the guy has nothing to say. Well thanks for proving to me that you are full of shit! If you feel how you say you do then why the hell aren't we dating?! No reason we shouldn't be babe...

I'm trying this new thing where I am actually going to try trusting someone (idiotic of me i know) but I'm bored and i haven't done it in a while so I'm giving it a shot. although, i am setting the entire thing up for failure just so that in the end, I'm not as broken. That is exactly what my main problem is. I set whatever it is I have with someone (which is no longer "talking") up for failure before it even happens!
I think this is a problem for a lot of people. With this generation of lovers we are so scared of opening up too much and then getting hurt in the end that we build up this wall. Even when we try to break it down we will always have some type of defense up. Trust is a HUGEEE thing. It's actually a bitch because it separates us from ever having any type of REAL connection with someone.

What I don't understand... lets say you are assigned to a group project. you all divey up the amount of work and you are stuck trusting other people to help you get a good grade (mind you i hate group work for that reason but i have no choice) but we instantly trust someone in this situation. When it comes to our social lives, we trust no one! I cant tell certain girls certain things about me because who knows if they are gonna run their mouth and twist the story, and I cant trust myself to fall for a guy because i cant trust him to treat me how i should be treated!
There is nothing I can do about it! There is nothing you can do about it! It takes time, patience, and dozens of heartbreaks to get over it. So this is how I have decided to live my life...
" As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about." -Marilyn Monroe

That bitch was a genius.

"Through distance & time I'll be waiting"

So here is my take on long distance relationships...
I have a guy friend who believes that there is no point to them at all because he believes that nothing good will come out of them. Obviously there are trust issues but he says if he is going to be dating someone he wants to spend all the time with them that he can and always be around them. It makes sense because that is the point of being in a relationship. My argument was though that if you REALLY like someone why would you settle for anyone else? You would make it work however you could and if that meant long distance then that is what you would have to do. He said he wouldn't want to spend all the money flying to see this person and wasting his time because what if he finds out he doesn't like this person, but you never know until you try. So I said you would rather settle for someone because it is convenient then actually work to be the person you really have feelings for?

I think long distance might even be healthier for a relationship, if and only if you can trust each other (which is easier said than done). I know a lot of couples who hang out every day and they have been together so long that them hanging out is now both of them on laptops or watching TV or someone taking a nap... not much excitement left when you see each other all the time. At least with a long distance relationship every time you see the person it is brand new. You plan things to do and you learn more about each other when you hang out. It is different and difficult but if that's what you have to do to be with the person you really care about then you do it. I feel like you long for the person more when you cant see them. Everyone wants what they cant have and if I cant have you everyday I am going to want it even more.

I guess I agree with the cliche "distance makes the heart grow fonder" :)

Creepers!

Ok so I am a really friendly person and I get along with just about anyone but there are certain things guys do that just weird me out.
First of all, if I don't know you and we have never really talked before, don't IM me like "hey sexy whats good" it's a total turn off! I DON"T KNOW YOU! I might just be overreacting because I don't take compliments well but it is just so weird when we hardly ever talk and the only thing you want to focus on is how good I look! This sounds so cocky but I am sure I am not the only girl who gets the random messages from even more random guys telling you how hot you are.
Maybe my whole point is if you aren't all that close with me then do not hit on me!
For example, I am transferring schools in the fall and obviously I am making new friends and trying to get to know people that might be going there. I am going to be a junior and these freshman boys keep IMing me acting like they know me and they are like "Oh I can't wait to see you around campus in a bathing suit. Don't be a tease!" blah blah blah!!! My response is...
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!
You are a freshman & I am a junior so you already are not on my level and for you to think you have any right to come out of no where and think you can hit on me... see if I even know you exist once I get to campus. OMG like this one kid got soooo pissed that I wouldn't give him my number! Mind you the first conversation we ever had was him hitting on me so I already didn't want to deal with him so I was like um no? I don't know you and I don't know if you are going to be giving my number out to other random guys. He flipped out! He was like are you serious?! Who would I give it to?! Just give me your number...
Needless to say that is the last time I will ever speak to him.

Like don't be a tool. Friggin creeps...

"and i made myself so easy to love..."

Unfortunately jealous bitches ruin things for everyone.
I had to change my comment settings because people are immature and need to grow up.
This is not a formspring...it is a blog. Which means if you are reading it and you dislike me then you are just revolving your life around mine. You look stupid.
I don't think it is cute when people look stupid and I don't find it cute when people don't grow up from high school bullshit, therefore people can no longer comment on my blog.
It is here for people who actually give a shit, and if you don't give a shit THEN STOP READING IT!
If I wanted people to be pussys and leave anonymous hate comments i would have made a formspring :)

thank you & goodnight!

It Was The Summer Time...

"Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone."
-The Notebook

This has to be one of the most truthful and meaningful quotes of all time.
Unfortunately summer romance is the exact reason why I refuse to get involved with anyone. To me, I will never feel love like I did last summer and if that is the case then I don't want to waste any ones time. If anyone else were to come along I would just be settling for them. Summer love always ends. It has too. There is no way a great thing like that can ever last. All good things must come to an end. It sounds cliche but it's true. Although, it doesn't say anything about great things. I guarantee there is not one girl out there that hasn't experienced summer love that does not think about it every single day of her life. If you happen to be that one girl, then there is something wrong with you. Or if you have found a way to not think about it please let me know what your trick is!

I finally found out what summer love felt like. I had never been happier in my entire life. As this summer approaches I can't even say I'm excited. Yeah I can't wait for the warm weather and the beaches, sun kissed skin, and baseball games, but these kind of things come around every year. Nothing will ever compare to how I felt last summer. I've moved on. We both did because there was no other choice. I am glad I experienced the feelings I did but losing those feelings is what makes me want to regret it even happened. I sometimes wonder whether it would have been better for me never to have gotten involved in that summer romance. Then I would never spend half of my time missing him, focusing on things that no longer exist, and I wouldn't be hoping for something to happen that never will. Was it really worth it in the end? My mind changes everyday...