what is meant to be will always find a way

heartbreak is a funny thing. even though it always makes you stronger, it always hurts for an amount of time that you cant even predict. then right when you think you are starting to get over it something happens and you end up right back at square one. you then start to have different mood swings every single day. i know with me one day ill be in my "fuck you i dont need you" stage and then that night when i realize you arent next to me to rub my back until i fall asleep, or you arent texting me until my eyes close and the phone is still in my hand, that is when im back to my "i miss you and i dont want anyone else" stage.
i have yet to find the happy medium when it comes to being heartbroken. there has to be a stage in between the "i dont need you" and the "i dont want anyone else". there needs to be a way to figure out how to live in the "i dont need you right now but i will want you forever later" state of mind.
in trying to experience the emotions of this stage i keep telling myself what is meant to be will always find a way and then i follow it up with i just wish it would find its way a little bit faster! but really what is the rush? why do i need you right now? in reality i dont. you just happen to be the only thing thats missing. my heart cant be broken because it was never full to begin with. that empty spot in my heart has a reserved sign on it for when im ready for that point in my life.
ive still got a lot of growing up to do but you better believe i have loved every heartbreak, every boy that has fucked me over, every mile that i havent traveled yet to see you, every mistake, every tear that has fallen from my eyes on the nights i have cried myself to sleep, and every single smile that always ends up back on my face.

Straight Up!

i do not understand why guys cant be straight up with you. like seriously dont be nice to me just because you dont want to hurt my feelings. 1) im a big girl i can take it and 2) it makes you even more of an asshole. how hard is it for you to say "hey so i cant handle a long distance thing" or "i think we should just be friends" or even "your are the perfect girl for me but im tryin to get some ass and unfortunately you are to far away for me to get it from you" i can handle all those just fine because than youre not wasting my time but when you just cut yourself out of my life for reasons i dont even know thats when i get pissed.
dont sit there and tell me you love me and all this other bullshit if you plan on ignoring me. you are just saying things you think i want to hear. grow a pair! because you better believe i will be the person to tell you exactly what is on my mind. i am not going to be the girl to sit here and text you and try and get in touch with you everyday if you are going to give me one word answers or not even respond. any kind of relationship is a 2 way street and im not going to waste my time if you obviously arent in it. but fucking tell me your not in it! man the fuck up!
and dont get mad when you start ignoring me and i move on. dont think you can come back to me when it is convenient for you and im going to be sitting there waiting. life is way too short.